Below is the script of the Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt episode, "The Stripping".
[The title card appears.]
Panty and Stocking: The Stripping.
[Several "ka-ching" and coin sound effects are heard as the episode begins with a panning-down shot in the church.]
Garterbelt: You both need to stop spending money on bullshit! You're angels, not hipsters!
[Panty giggles as she stretches Chuck, while Stocking eats ice cream.]
Garterbelt: Hey, cock jockeys! I'm not just talking to fuckin' hear myself!
[He shows a bill as Panty and Stocking finally look at Garterbelt.]
Garterbelt: You've spent over three million dollars!
[Scene cuts to a colorful background as items appear onscreen.]
Garterbelt: Fish-flavored lube. Titty enhancer. Toys that ain't sex toys! And who the fuck orders that much food?! You bitches eat so much you're gonna start sweatin' bacon grease!
Panty: *shoves colorful background offscreen* Garter, if you're gonna act like a baby, you might as well crawl back up inside your giant vagina where you belong.
Garterbelt: You're the ones acting irresponsible so you crawl into my vagina!
[Panty and Stocking look up and see the ceiling leaking.]
Garterbelt: You're gonna need somewhere to live. This church is fallin' apart and I can't afford any more repairs.
[Camera pans over to the church walls which are covered by wood.]
Stocking: Whatever! We work our tits off killing ghosts, so enough with the pretentious preaching, preacher man.
Panty: *grabs Chuck* Don't make me throw Chuck at you!
Garterbelt: You don't earn earthly money for killing ghosts, you get Heaven Coins! And when you take out the motherfuckin' city every time you take out a ghost, I have to pay for it with my earthly cash!
Panty: *throws Chuck to the ground* Jesus, chill the hell out, yo! *steps on Chuck as she and Stocking stand up* Dude, you are being such a pussy about this, but if us earning money will get you to shut your douche face, okay.
Garterbelt: Did you say you were gonna earn money? *laughs* That's hilarious! *bangs on the altar* You two earning money, like you have a single skill between you anyone would pay for!
Stocking: We do too have skills, asshole! How much were you bitching about us spending again? What was it, three million dollars?
Panty: Hell, just give us three days!
Garterbelt: (with tears coming out of his eyes) This would be tragic if it wasn't so fucking funny! Please tell me you're gonna put "sits on ass and farts all day" on your résumés! Holy shit!
[A blue background with lightning bolts appears behind the main characters.]
Garterbelt: Very well, then. I challenge you to earn three million dollars in only three days time. However, when you fail, you must swear Heaven's Unbreakable Oath that you will never waste money again, and you know what will happen to you if that oath is broken!
Panty: However, when we win, you fucker, you're not allowed to complain about our shopping habits again!
Garterbelt: You got a deal!
Panty: It's on now! Let's go make us an ass-ton of money!
[Panty zippers the screen and scene transitions to the park, where Panty and Stocking sit on a bench. Panty licks a popsicle and Stocking licks a lollipop.]
Stocking: Any idea how we're supposed to make this money?
Panty: Meh. I just figured we'd take it from someone who looks double-loaded. You know, like rich and drunk?
Brief: Um, I'm pretty sure that's against the law. Maybe you should just try finding a job.
[Brief gasps as Panty snatches a magazine from his hand.]
Panty: Yeah, we could do this shit with our fucking eyes closed!
[Panty giggles as she and Stocking look at each other.]
[Scene cuts to a montage of Panty and Stocking getting jobs. It begins at a diner, where Stocking hums as she brings two men's drinks. The men fall in love with Stocking. Panty looks at Stocking while leaning on a wall and looks at the viewer. She then tries to bring drinks to customers, but twirls around and accidentally destroys the restaurant.]
Restaurant Owner: *angry gibberish*
[Scene transitions to a roadway, where Panty and Stocking direct traffic as cops. A man ogles at Panty's butt and crashes. It is revealed that all of the cars have crashed as Panty and Stocking continue directing traffic.]
[Scene transitions to a car wash, where Panty and Stocking wash a man's car.]
Car Owner: Yeah...
[He walks away and waves to Panty and Stocking.]
[Panty and Stocking mischievously giggle to each other. The car owner walks back with a tray of two drinks]
Car Owner: Huh?
[He sees the car has been painted with Panty and Stocking decals.]
Car Owner: No!
[Scene transitions to Panty in a crane. She carelessly knocks down several buildings as several construction workers jeer and Stocking sweats.]
[Scene transitions to Panty and Stocking taking care of an old man as nurses.]
Stocking: Say "aah!"
[The old man puts his hand up ("No Please") and Panty nods. She and Stocking then begin to strip in front of several people.]
Doctor: This is not sanitary!
[Scene transitions to Panty and Stocking sitting at a bar in bunny outfits.]
Panty: Dude, working can fucking suck it.
Stocking: Can you believe people actually do this all day?
[As Panty speaks, Brief ogles at her and nosebleeds.]
Panty: How much have we made so far? It's gotta be at least a million.
Brief: Uh, actually, you two kept getting fired. So you haven't made anything yet.
Panty: Don't fuck with me! We're supposed to make three million, so try again!
Brief: Three million dollars?
Stocking: Yeah, our goal is three million in three days.
Brief: Okay, well, then you'll need to average at least a million dollars per day, so there is no way in Hell that's possible.
Bar Patron: *laughs* I just made three million bucks in one day! I'm a cash pirate! *laughs*
[Panty and Stocking grab the two ladies dressed in bunny outfits sitting next to the patron and toss them aside. They then sit next to the patron.]
Stocking: Hey there, daddy. You really made three million smackaroos in one day?
Bar Patron: You better believe it, sexy bunny girlies. I'll even let you stroke it if you're nice!
[He shows money to Panty and Stocking; Panty's pupils turn into dollar signs and Stocking's pupils turn into hearts.]
Stocking: It's so gorgeous!
Panty: *rubs on the patron's chest* Poopsie, would you mind telling us how exactly you got it?
Bar Patron: Probably from you rubbin' my chest. Oh, you mean the money!
[Camera pans from the bar to the Hellton Casino.]
Bar Patron: I'm a gambler, I got it from a casino!
Panty: *she and Stocking stand up* A casino, of course!
Stocking: *pats the patron's head* Thank you.
Brief: Stop right there! It's too hard to make money at a casino! Nothing personal, but you've gotta have a lot of skill and talent to make money as a gambler!
Panty: *throws her clothes at Brief* Yeah, nothing personal, but fuck off.
[She and Stocking appear in new dresses.]
Panty: Stockin' and I have somewhere to be.
Stocking: We're getting in on the action, right?
Brief: (in Panty's bunny outfit) Please, don't do it!
[He chases Panty and Stocking as they enter Hellton Casino.]
Brief: You could end up losing everything!
[Scene transitions to inside the casino, where Panty and Stocking play slot games.]
Brief: I watched a thirteen hour documentary on casino slot machines and tricks of the trade. These things are designed to keep you from winning.
[Panty gets all 7s and wins $1.2 million.]
Brief: You got three sevens on your first try?!
[Brief gasps after seeing Stocking win $1.2 million.]
[Several patrons walk up to watch Panty and Stocking as they win more money.]
Casino Patron: Did you see that? These girls are incredible, and hot! I got dibs on the dark-haired one.
Panty: She likes bondage.
Brief: I've never seen anything like this before, you must have a special angel luck or something. Maybe some of your magic will rub off on me!
[Brief plays and loses the slot game and screams.]
Brief: That five bucks was all the money I had to my name!
[Brief gets sucked into a tube and thrown out of the casino; Back in the casino, Panty's pupils turn into hearts as she sees the employees.]
Brunette Employee: Oh, my. Sorry to alarm you, but apparently he was all played out.
Blond Employee: Played out patrons aren't really patrons, so we like to have them forcibly removed.
Stocking: Harsh.
Brunette Employee: I doubt you'll have to worry about that, though. Hopefully you'll both continue to get lucky as the night goes on.
Blond Employee: Perhaps you'd like to join us for a game of roulette in the VIP room, where the stakes are higher and more private.
Stocking: So we can get even more?
Brunette Employee: Definitely.
Blond Employee: After you.
[The employees lead Panty and Stocking into the VIP room. Camera pans up to reveal Fastener running a vacuuming machine from the ceiling.]
[Scene cuts to a secret room, where it is revealed that the machine sucks money into the room. A ghost then takes the money and eats it as Scanty and Kneesocks watch on.]
Kneesocks: Our collection of human money is progressing smoothly, sister.
Scanty: Yes, apparently. Just look at how considerably our little guy has grown.
Kneesocks: As long as he continues to gorge himself on that disgusting Earthly currency, he'll reach his complete form which will trigger the largest financial meltdown in history, throwing the human world into chaos. I know you already know this, but I like to hear it out loud.
[As the Daemon Sisters speak, images of the Anarchy sisters appear on a camera screen behind them.]
Scanty: Perhaps that will give us a chance to redeem ourselves from what could very well be the worst debacle of our lives. Our darling little ghost plant taken out by that tawdry pair of angels.
Kneesocks: Their detestable images still flash in my mind, mocking me! *points to the camera* Just like so, with their vulgar personas and vacuous faces.
[Scanty and Kneesocks gasp.]
Kneesocks: *walks up close to the camera* What the devil are they doing in here?! Do you think they might be attempting to thwart us?!
Scanty: Judging by that ludicrous expression, I would venture a "no". It's far more likely those obtuse twits are here to gamble.
Kneesocks: Then, by all means, we should take advantage of this opportunity to eradicate them!
Scanty: Collect yourself, Kneesocks. The last thing we want to give them is a perfunctory death.
Kneesocks: Of course, what was I thinking? We must pay them triple the insult they so rudely handed us! 'Tis a Scanty and Kneesocks rule!
Scanty: *giggles* I have a sublime thought. Since they're already in our midst, we might as well provide them with a genuine gambling experience.
[Scene cuts back to the VIP room, where the crowd cheers as Panty and Stocking continue winning money.]
Blond Employee: Amazing, Panty! Have you ever been complimented on your incredible skill set before?
Panty: Definitely.
Stocking: Hey, Panty, we're supposed to be making how much for Garter again? I totally forgot.
Panty: Huh? Oh, who gives a shit? Let's have some fuckin' fun!
Stocking: Ugh, goddammit. Why I thought you'd know is beyond me, but I'm pretty sure we've already made our goal.
Panty: Awesome! Now shut your trap and roulette some shit, okay?
Stocking: What the whore said, sir. I'd like to roulette some shit.
Panty: That's the motherfucking spirit!
[The old dealer walks off and Kneesocks, with a mustache, walks in.]
Kneesocks: Dealer change.
Stocking: Sugar bear, your face is really red. Are you maybe drunk?
Panty: Someone's got Asian hot-face.
[Kneesocks' face gets redder.]
Kneesocks: I do not. I simply blush easily, that's all.
Panty: Dude, no judgement here! Now, let's play!
Kneesocks: Yes, let's. Place your bets, please.
[The ball spins on the roulette wheel.]
Panty: *gives casino chips* Let's make this interesting!
[The ball spins on the roulette wheel as Panty and Stocking watch in excitement.]
Kneesocks: No more bets, thank you.
[The ball lands on 12.]
[Panty and Stocking gasp.]
[Several casino chips are sucked out and Panty and Stocking lose some money.]
Blond Employee: Oh, no. Well, no one can win every time.
Panty: Good point! Let's roll again, Hot Face.
[The ball spins on the roulette wheel.]
Kneesocks: No more bets, thank you.
[The ball lands on 20.]
Kneesocks: What a shame.
[Several casino chips are sucked out and Panty and Stocking lose more money.]
Panty: *shakes her head and places more casino chips* Hey, I'm just getting started!
[The ball spins on the roulette wheel.]
Kneesocks: Place your bets, please.
[Several casino chips are sucked out and Panty and Stocking lose more money. Stocking gives more casino chips.]
Kneesocks: No more bets, thank you.
[Panty and Stocking lose more money, and they give more casino chips.]
Kneesocks: Too bad. No more bets, thank you.
[Panty and Stocking lose even more money.]
Kneesocks: Shame.
[The employees awkwardly walk away from the Anarchy Sisters.]
Stocking: When did the wheel turn into a c*nt?!
Panty: Seriously, quit fucking around!
[Scene cuts back to the secret room.]
Scanty: *laughs* Bravo, Kneesocks! Bravo!
[Scene cuts to an animation of Panty and Stocking getting sucked out of the casino and into a garbage can as Scanty celebrates.]
Scanty: Continue your assiduous assault until those hackneyed angels are broke! Shame them into the depths of despair, and then annihilate them!
[Scene cuts back to the VIP room, where Panty and Stocking are out of casino chips.]
Panty: Fuck...
Stocking: Holy fuck, we don't have any money left.
Scanty: Checkmate, harpies.
[Stocking screams as she sees the vacuuming machine.]
Panty: Aw, hell no! About time we use our fucking resources! *takes off her scarf* Hey boys, one of you wants to buy this, don't you?
Crowd: *grabs money* I'll take it!
Scanty: My, what a pitiable display.
[The ball spins and Panty loses more money. Stocking takes off her arm sleeve.]
Crowd: *grabs money* Over here!
[The ball lands on 20 and Panty and Stocking lose even more casino chips.]
[Panty grunts and throws her arm sleeves to the crowd.]
[The sisters lose more chips.]
[Stocking grunts and throws her shoes to the crowd.]
[The sisters lose more chips.]
[Panty throws her dress to the crowd.]
Panty: Try this!
[The sisters lose more chips.]
[Stocking throws her dress to the crowd.]
Stocking: And that!
[The sisters even lose more chips.]
Scanty: *yawns* How tediously long do they intend to keep up this charade? But... if they continue to remove their clothing.
Kneesocks: They're going to wind up in the nude, completely. And without a stitch, they'll be without a weapon. This day keeps getting better and better.
[The crowd cheers as Panty strips off her bra.]
Panty: Enjoy this, fellas!
[The ball lands on 9. Panty whimpers.]
[The crowd cheers as Stocking strips off her stocking.]
Panty: Fuck! Lucky number seven, it's up to you!
Stocking: Please win, or we'll be naked!
Crowd: Take it off, take it off! Take it off, take it off! Take it off, take it off!
[Scene cuts to a realistic-looking Panty and Stocking's rear-ends.]
Crowd: Take it off, take it off!
Kneesocks: One more garment left. Once Panty removes her panties, they'll be helpless! *grabs the ball* Finally! The fated war betwixt demons and angels will come to an end! At the very least, these angels will perish!
[Panty inhales and sneezes, splattering snot all over Stocking.]
Stocking: Hey. Cover up, would ya? You're so immodest.
Panty: Heh, I'm modestly freezing my ass off. *snorts the snot back in her nose*
[The ball lands on 7 as Kneesocks screams.]
[Panty and Stocking look at each other in excitement, then jump and hug each other.]
Stocking: We did it!
Panty: Fuck yeah! We're back, baby! Woo!
Stocking: Yay! *giggles*
Crowd: Shit. No fair.
[The vacuuming machine malfunctions and gushes out money as Kneesocks is caught within the money and screams. The ghost is then sucked into the machine and spat out at the VIP room as it flops around.]
Panty: 'Kay? What the hell is that thing?
Stocking: I think it might be a ghost.
Panty: This day just gets better and better. Let's kill this motherfucker and earn some Heaven Coins too! *steps on the ghost*
[The crowd cheers again as Panty strips off her panties and shoots the ghost.]
[Money Ghost screams and explodes.]
[Outside the casino, Kneesocks, with Xs for pupils, is carried into G-String.]
Scanty: That was mortifying, absolutely wretched! Remove us from this hellish place!
Fastener: Yip! *tips his hat*
Scanty and Kneesocks: Toodle-oo, imbeciles!
[Scene pans to G-String, as they drives off and hit a person.]
[The church bell rings. Scene cuts to the church's living room, where several gifts are placed on a table.]
Garterbelt: You stupid bitches! *shows his computer to the Anarchy Sisters* Tell me you are not responsible for this!
[It is revealed that Panty's panties are on sale for $200,000.]
Panty: Hell yeah, we are. Dude, twisted fucks will pay anything for random shit.
Garterbelt: *breaks computer with his knee* You idiots! Have you no shame?! Those are sacred weapons from Heaven!
Stocking: You should sell your skid marked business too. Here. *slams money on the table, squishing Chuck* Three million.
Garterbelt: I can't take your filthy, dirty, coochie-covered cash!
Panty: Quit being a drama queen! That cash didn't come close to my snatch, you sick fuck!
[Garterbelt and Panty growl at each other.]
[Scene cuts to Brief's room, where he watches the price of Panty's panties.]
Brief: What?! The price keeps going up! Twenty thousand more? I have to! I can't let anyone else have them! I've got to protect Panty, or something like that. *presses a key on his keyboard*
[Episode ends.]