Below is the script of the Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt episode, "...Of the Dead".
[The title card appears.]
Panty and Stocking: Of the Dead.
[The episode begins with a shot of a roadway.]
Garterbelt: *narrating* When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth - or so the saying goes. Well, we got the same problem right here in Daten City.
[A burning car appears in the road.]
Garterbelt: Only we got angels, and dildos. You'll see.
[Camera pans over to a sign reading "WELCOME TO ROMERO & CARPEN TOWN; POP. 666"]
[Scene cuts to the police station, where Panty and Stocking barricade themselves in by throwing furniture. The zombies try to barge in.]
Panty: This is some bad shit, Stockin'!
Stocking: *bangs a hammer on a nail* Just shut up and hammer!
Panty: *bangs a hammer* Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Ugh...
[Panty wipes her forehead and peeks through the wood openings. A zombie dog suddenly pops in. Panty shoots it repeatedly.]
Panty: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! They're all immune!
Stocking: That's why you should hammer, stupid!
Panty: *throws Backlace away* Fine, I will! *grabs the hammer and screams* Take that, dog-dick!
Stocking: You've been shooting 'em for three hours! And you think a hammer's gonna magically do the trick?!
Panty: Shut up, bitch!
[Camera pans over to several citizens in the police station.]
Panty: Where did these freaks come from, anyway?
Stocking: Yeah, the cops didn't say anything about all these fucking ghost zombies. I thought it was just supposed to be a pizza party.
[The lights go out.]
Panty: What the flying fuck now?
[Several zombies break open the wood with their arms.]
Man #1: Hey! We only fled here 'cause we heard badass angels were named honorary police chiefs for the day. So do something, man!
Citizens: Yeah! That's right!
Panty: What can we do? Our weapons ain't working for crap!
Woman #1: They bit me, you know. You gotta cure this. If I eat a brain, that shit is on you!
[A kid cries.]
Woman #2: I bet they're not even real angels at all! Look at them! Angels don't dress up like slutty stripper cops!
Panty: Yuh-huh!
[Everyone stops arguing and looks at the prisoners trying to escape.]
Panty: What the hell are you doing, you dumbasses?
Stocking: Are you trying to let the zombies in?
[All of the citizens surround Panty and Stocking.]
Woman #2: Don't walk away from us! This is mob rule, bitches! We haven't resolved this imposter issue!
Panty: *holds her gun* This look fake to you?!
Stocking: *holds her katana* Hey! Who groped me? I will bleed you out!
Man #2: Hey, friends. We've got a plan. Everyone knows zombies hate fire. This will clear us a path through the parkin' lot. *starts a fire on a chair* We'll run for it and get help from the next town over.
Garterbelt: No one's running yet! *opens the bathroom door*
Stocking: Though you do seem to have the runs, don't ya?
Panty: Talk some sense into these asshats, will ya?
Garterbelt: Mm-hmm. I've heard that there's an ancient and secret technique in voodoo for turning ghosts into zombies. Heavenly weapons will have no effect on these double-undead. But we must not despair yet. They do have at least one weakness. The answer... Uh-oh!
Panty and Stocking: Huh?
[Garterbelt reenters the bathroom and sits on the toilet.]
Chuck: Chuck.
[The bathroom door closes.]
Garterbelt: *pooping* Oh!
Man #2: Can't hurt to try.
Panty: Yes it fucking can!
Man #2: How? *burns himself on the metal* Ow!
[The burning chair rolls, but then falls before it can reach the zombies. Everyone screams and runs off.]
Man #3: Bad idea, bad idea!
[A woman shoots at the zombies.]
Man #1: Come on, honey. We've gotta run.
[His partner, who is a zombie, turns around and shrieks at him. She is shot by someone else, and the man is then bitten by a zombie.mMeanwhile, the prisoners shoot at the zombies. The prisoners are also bitten by zombies.]
Panty: Fuck my butt. This isn't looking real good.
Stocking: It's the worst honorary police chief party ever! The pizza didn't even have meats on it.
Garterbelt: *opens the bathroom door and washes his hands* Smash their brains. That's what their weakness is. It's the only way you're gonna kill these ghost zombies.
Stocking: That's their secret weakness, their brains? But that's just like a regular zombie! You can't kill a ghost with a bat, that'd be stupid. There has to be something magical, like holy water or silver bullets.
[Panty kills several zombies with a baton.]
Panty: Nope, bat works.
Stocking: Then what makes them ghosts? Just having little swirlies around them?! *gives a thumbs-down; ("BULLSHIT!")* That's weak sauce!
Garterbelt: Zombies gonna act like zombies, no matter what they was before. Be that human, ghosts, or even angels like you hoes.
Stocking: Well, we can't stay here, we're sitting ducks! They've got us totally surrounded.
Panty: I think there's a gun shop across the street.
[Camera pans over to a gun shop and the Sex Shop.]
Panty: We can stock up on normal weapons there.
Stocking: Fine, let's go! *throws a barrel of gas at the zombies* Panty time?
Panty: You bet.
[Panty shoots the barrel, which explodes and kills all the zombies.]
Panty: Go, go, go!
[All of the citizens run into the Sex Shop.]
Panty: If your body's not rotting, then follow me!
[Scene cuts to inside the Sex Shop, where three dildos are seen waving around.]
Stocking: Wait, this isn't a gun store, it's a sex shop! A sex shop!
Panty: Sorry. Force of habit and all.
Stocking: Are you out of your mind?! Now, we're trapped again! What would we find in here that could possibly help us?
Panty: Something new to stick up your ass?!
Garterbelt: This is no time to fight, you titty-stains!
Panty: Hey! *points at Garterbelt* We wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't used your connections to make us stupid honorary police chiefs!
Stocking: Yeah, that's right! We never should've come with you to this bumfuck town, anyway!
Garterbelt: You begged me for this! You wanted pizza and donuts!
[Meanwhile, outside the Sex Shop, Scanty and Kneesocks watch the citizens from a hill.]
Scanty: *looking with binoculars* Oh, how simply scintillating! *laughs* This is precisely what those fecal-mouthed angels deserve for pretending to be cops for a day. I love spoiling parties.
Kneesocks: Like they have the curves to pull off those uniforms.
Scanty: Kneesocks, my dear, might you get the next batch of zombies ready?
Kneesocks: Of course, sister.
[Kneesocks grabs the Zombie Elixir and pours it on a dead cat, who turns into a zombie. Kneesocks then grabs the zombie cat.]
Scanty: Absolutely perfect. Your idea to purchase Zombie Elixir from Publisher's Cursing House and then use it to turn ghosts into zombies is so brilliant, I can't stand it! My mind blows as we speak!
Kneesocks: Do stop, Scanty. You flatter me.
Scanty: I can see that, your face is awfully red.
[Scanty, Kneesocks, and Fastener all laugh.]
Man #2: Something's comin' our way, girls.
Panty, Stocking, and Garterbelt: Hmm?
[They all look out the window and see the zombie cat deliver a letter to them.]
Zombie Cat: Meow, meow, meow, meow.
Panty: "How are you this ironing?" Oh, "evening". God, her handwriting sucks. "We made these zombies just for you. Please do enjoy them, as you're disemboweled and eaten alive. Ghost zombies are simply a ball. Die, you tarts."
Stocking: Sounds like those chode-munching sisters.
[Panty grabs the binoculars from the zombie cat and looks at the Daemon sisters.]
Panty: Oh, they are so dead! *grabs a gun* Gimme that!
[Panty shoots at the zombie cat, presumably killing it. Suddenly, the zombie cat comes back to life and pounces at Panty. Panty grabs Chuck and the zombie cat bites him instead; Panty then throws them at a shelf, killing Chuck. Panty and Stocking grab vibrators and repeatedly hit the zombie cat with them.]
Panty: Take this, you little prick-hole!
Stocking: Eat dildo, motherfucker!
Panty: You like that, don't you, father-fucker?!
Stocking: Bet you screw your whole family!
Panty: You like that granddad dick!
Stocking: Like to take it from behind, bitch?
Panty: Baby sister sure feels good!
Stocking: You might get a little wood!
Man #2: Wow. Those angels are tougher than I thought they were.
Woman #2: They're for real! They're like Charlie's Angels but with vibrators instead of guns.
Stocking: Repent, motherfucker!
[Stocking stabs the zombie cat in the head with her vibrator. She continues stabbing the zombie cat while making a Bruce Lee-style groan.]
Panty: It's full-on ass kicking time! The plan's simple. We fight our way up that hill and kill the cooter sisters!
[All of the citizens grab weapons from the Sex Shop and prepare to fight the zombies.]
Panty: All right, who's with me?!
Citizens: Yo!
[Panty opens the door and sees the zombies. She closes the door.]
Panty: Blech. They're so gross.
Stocking: Well, you can't chicken out now, Panty. This was all your idea!
Panty: Okay, fine, but you're going first.
Man #1: *stands in front of the door* Wait. Let me distract 'em.
Stocking: Why? Who are you?
Man #1: I've been hanging out with you bitches all day! I can't believe you haven't noticed me yet! What kind of bullshit is that?!
Stocking: Sorry, man.
Panty: Hey, is it just me or is there a zombie skull chomping on his head?
Stocking: Someone about to become a zombie would make a great decoy, you guys!
Garterbelt: True, and he's got no reason to live, anyway.
Panty: Yeah, I love this plan.
Stocking: Hop to it, dead guy.
Man #1: I've got one somewhat minor condition. Write my life story and publish it wide.
Woman #2: A book?
Man #1: 'Cause the world needs to know what happened through a paperback. And a hardback. And an E-novel. I call it "The Journey of the Spirit Inside My Heart Inside a Sex Shop, by Me". Here's a rough draft with all the key plot points and marketing strategies. *hands the rough draft to the woman*
Stocking: This is taking forever.
Panty: Just go die already.
Woman #2: Wait, I can't. I suck at writing, I can barely even read! I mean, I get headaches trying to finish comic books!
[The man walks off with his blow-up doll.]
Man #1: Plus, you only wrote three pages!
[The man kicks open the doors and faces the zombies.]
Man #1: Time to be heroes, wifey. I love my life. I love my doll, I mean.
[He walks into the zombies and turns into one himself.]
Man #1: Wiiiiife!
Garterbelt: Well, that worked for shit. Thanks for nothing!
[Garterbelt shoots the man. Several zombies barge into the shop.]
Garterbelt: They weren't distracted at all! *runs out of the shop*
Garterbelt: Move to Plan B! Plan B!
[Panty stabs zombies with her vibrator chainsaw.]
Panty: What's Plan B? Suicide pact?
Garterbelt: No, you idiot! Listen! You two run as fast as you can and get to See Through out front. Then pick us up and save my black asshole!
Panty: I can do that.
Stocking: And you cover us.
[Garterbelt shoots two zombies as Panty and Stocking run away.]
Garterbelt: *shoots the zombies* All right, living corpses. Get on your knees and say hallelujah. You're about to get a big mouthful of Heavenly love!
[Meanwhile, Panty and Stocking finally get into See Through. They take a deep breath.]
Panty: Now, we can finally relax.
Stocking: Oh, my God. Do we have to go back out there?
Panty: We could always ditch 'em and just go on home.
Stocking: Sounds good. I could sure use a shower about now.
[Chuck walks up to the Anarchy Sisters.]
Panty: Oh. Didn't know you followed us out, Chuckles.
Chuck: Chuck...
[Chuck turns around and it is revealed that he is a zombie.]
Panty and Stocking: Ah, fuck me!
[Chuck attacks them both. Meanwhile, Garterbelt continues shooting the zombies.]
Man #2: They just keep coming, Preacher Man!
Garterbelt: *laughs* Then, let them come! I've got plenty of whoop-ass mojo to spare!
Man #2: But, shouldn't we hide?
[He looks down and sees a zombie kid biting his leg. After he turns into a zombie, Garterbelt quickly shoots him.]
Woman #2: *whips a zombie* Wait! The notebook! Oh no, did I drop it?
[She sees the notebook and smiles, but she is then bit by a zombie and shot by Garterbelt.]
Garterbelt: *shoots the zombies* What's the matter, you zombies? Don't you like how God tastes?! *laughs*
[Panty, now a zombie, has Chuck biting on her leg.]
Panty: You're really enjoying yourself out here, aren't ya? You afro'ed fucker.
Stocking: (now a zombie) That is one sadistic God-fearing dildo wielder.
[Back on the hill, Scanty jumps around.]
Scanty: We did it! We did it! *laughs* Look and see, Kneesocks! They're done!
Kneesocks: You know, Scanty, overexcitement is bad for your health. You can't relish the victory if your heart explodes.
[Scanty throws her binoculars to Kneesocks, who grabs them.]
Scanty: Oh, stuff it and look!
[Scanty jumps around and spills the Zombie Elixir.]
Scanty: "Operation: Zombie" was a complete success! We're brilliant, I say! Brilliant! *laughs*
Kneesocks: Sister. Sister, look!
[Scanty stops jumping around and looks at the zombies, who are surrounding the Daemon Sisters.]
Scanty: Oh, drat.
Garterbelt: So even the divine flesh of angels is rotten now, is that it?
Panty: I thought it'd be a fuckin' downer, but it's actually liberating.
Stocking: Not bad at all.
Panty: Hey, Stockin'. You think we're ever gonna change back to normal?
Stocking: I bet it wears off by morning. That's probably the best those sisters could do. But who cares? I've got a sweet tooth for meat!
Panty: *points to Garterbelt with a bat* He looks good.
Garterbelt: So, it's come to this. You wanna fight to the undeath, oh, you got it! *reloads his gun* Just don't whine to me when you lose your faces! *shoots Panty and Stocking*
[The next morning, a zombified Scanty and Kneesocks walk to the Sex Shop as Garterbelt lays on the floor, presumably dead. Camera pans up to Panty and Stocking sitting on the Sex Shop's roof as Panty eats a chicken wing.]
Panty: Well, we still haven't changed back. What's your thoughts?
Stocking: Yeah, this could be bad.
Panty: *throws the chicken wing away* So, what are we supposed to do now?
[Panty and Stocking sigh.]
Panty: Zombies can still have sex, right?
[The church bell rings in the distance.]
[Episode ends.]