Below is the script of the Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt episode, "Pulp Addiction".
[The title card appears.]
Panty and Stocking: Pulp Addiction!
[The scene begins with several sperm soldiers riding on boats as rain pours. As Portschach narrates, he writes in his journal.]
Portschach: Portschach's journal. July 2nd. Early morning, 0600 hours. Fierce storm, freezing temperatures. These are the animals of war. I'm desperate for this bitter engagement to be over so I can head home when I've got wood. Hot and burning on the fire ready to heat me up. My girl waiting for me with pleasure spread across her face.
Sperm General: Heads up! The time's come to pound this out! Some of you guys couldn't hold on. Pathetic! Those squirts have been discharged prematurely! But, you came through.
[The sperm general makes a humping motion.]
Sperm General: You came quick, hard, in and out, over and over, strong! But we're not finished yet! Now, we must thrust forward! Stay on top of each other! Give a hand when needed and let's bring this thing to a climax!
Sperm Soldier #1: Hey. How's your journal entry diddling going?
Portschach: It's wet.
Sperm Soldier #2: I get it. Rub out a few thoughts before walking hard and fast into death.
Sperm Soldier #3: *rubs his gun* This is stimulating, you know. Going so deep into an operation like this.
Sperm Soldier #4: You know what I heard? No one's ever pulled out successfully before.
Sperm Soldier #1: It's true. Ask that old bastard. He's been around the block before.
Sperm Soldier #4: Apparently, he fought the 4th Bartholin campaign and hasn't been the same since.
Sperm Soldier #5: Well, gramps, you think we'll be able to squeeze one off?
Sperm Soldier #6: Need lube.
Sperm Soldier #1: Come again?
Sperm Soldier #6: Vas deferens. That's how you know.
Sperm Soldier #1: What? Your oral skills blow, old man.
Sperm Soldier #4: Give him a minute. He starts off slow, that's all.
Sperm Soldier #6: Beware the name General Scottie! We can't let him win! He must go down!
[The boat reaches the battleground.]
Sperm General: It's time, seamen! Get off!
[The sperm soldiers leave the boat and many of them get shot and killed.]
Sperm General: Stay strong! Incoming! *points to the mound* Get on top of that mound!
[The sperm soldiers run to the mound.]
Sperm General: Fire your lode at will! Let's cream 'em, boys!
[The soldiers run and yell.]
Sperm General: Go, go, go!
[The general is shot and killed. As some soldiers are shot, others run and see tissue boxes come towards them.]
Sperm Soldier #7: That's huge! This will never work!
[The tissue boxes begin dropping tissue paper.]
Sperm Soldier #7: Pull out! Withdraw, now!
[Several soldiers are caught in the tissue paper.]
Sperm Soldier #8: Almost out!
[Several more soldiers are killed.]
Sperm Soldier #9: Fuck this. Fuck this! Oh, my God!
[The soldier gets caught in tissue paper and dies.]
[Portschach watches on as the tissue papers fly away.]
Portschach: Damn those things. They wiped us out! We were so close. We could have gone all the way.
[Scene cuts to the camera descending from the clouds into Daten City. It then pans over to the milkman, who is riding a bike. Chuck sleeps in the middle of the road when he screams after seeing the milkman. The milkman hears Chuck and screams as he tries to stop his bike.]
Milkman: *screams* Oh, shit!
[The milkman hits Chuck in the head. He flies off his bike and all of his milk bottles crash to the ground. The milk and the blood from the milkman's head mix together and Chuck licks them. The milkman then screams and gets out of the way as Chuck is run over by a sweeper. The bloodied milkman watches in horror.]
[Scene cuts to the church, where Panty and Stocking eat their breakfast in the dining room. Garterbelt walks in with an enlarged afro.]
Garterbelt: Why?!
Panty: What part of "I have a hangover every fucking morning" don't you get?
Garterbelt: Gone, gone!
Panty: *scoffs* What's gone? Your period? Because that's weird.
[Some of Panty's food hits Garterbelt's face.]
Garterbelt: Just leave me alone, I'm in physical pain here! Where are the tissues?!
[Garterbelt walks in the room, destroying part of the wall.]
Panty: Dude, do you have a fucking cold?! Stop, you're freaking me out!
[As Panty yells, some of her spit flies onto Garterbelt's face.]
Garterbelt: Now, you're just torturing me!
[Chuck jumps and licks the spit off his face.]
Panty: (seductively) Look, if you can't find a tissue, just use your tongue. That's what I always do. *licks her lips* Yeah...
Garterbelt: *throws Chuck to the wall* I hate you! Don't pretend you know what I'm going through right now! I'm not that great with aim, okay? And even if I was, I couldn't shoot myself in the mouth! Plus, my altar boys needs softness and sensitivity! A tissue is the answer! It's the only way!
Panty: Only way for what?
Garterbelt: You know.
Panty: I am so over this condo. Come on Stockin', let's go. I guess we should get off to school and shit.
Stocking: '*closes her book* Right, get off.
Garterbelt: No one's gettin' anywhere! We've got a problem, angels! This phenomenon is no longer limited to Daten City, it's already grown into a nationwide social dilemma! There are riots spurtin' up all over the place, children are in tears 'cause they can't masturbate in techniques in art class, police are beating on protesters with their bare hands and politicians are not coming on time, well that goes without say'n.
[Garterbelt opens his eyes and sees Panty sleeping and Stocking reading her book.]
Garterbelt: *steps on Chuck* In short, to be without a tissue is to be without God! I am a man of faith and just look at me! I'm practically dyin' over here! The men of the world can not take no more pressure!
[The set suddenly switches to Garterbelt dancing around, parodying phone call commercials and pointing at the camera every time he finishes his sentences.]
Garterbelt: Oh, no worries, man! No shame if you cry! Hell, I'm gonna cry! You gonna cry? Yeah, man, we all gonna cry.
[Suddenly he starts to reach his climax.]
Garterbelt: Imma blow, maximum climax!
[Garterbelt's afro explodes and shoots out white goo into the sky, destroying part of the church. Garterbelt sighs in relief and the goo reaches the clouds. A lightning bolt strikes Chuck.]
Garterbelt: That was fuckin' amazin'!
Panty: No, that was fucking awkward as hell. *walks off*
Stocking: Awkward as fuck. *walks off*
Garterbelt: You girls should be a little more understanding!
[Chuck spits out a clue that reads "PAPER PLANT". Garterbelt picks it up.]
Garterbelt: A clue. Someone must have inserted it while I was busy, you know, doing that. You hear that, ladies?! Panty and Stocking are needed!
[Panty and Stocking drive around town in See Through. Stocking picks up a jelly bean.]
Panty: Holy fuck, has his head gone limp.
Stocking: Yes! Cream pie flavor!
Panty: Bingo. I would definitely call that the Nether-regions of the city.
Stocking: And what a spunky little hole it is.
Panty: A stank-ass hole.
Stocking: Smells fishy.
[Panty's stinky breath is seen from her mouth.]
Stocking: Fuck, you sure that's not you?
Panty: *blushes and wipes her mouth* It must be that clam chowder I had earlier.
Garterbelt: (through the radio) Get inside now, ain't no time for pussy-footin' around! Penetrate and conquer! Let your cocks-
[The radio glitches.]
Garterbelt: Girls, leave no hole un-
[The radio glitches again.]
Garterbelt: Give them a holy- injection! (with tears in his eyes) The whole world is counting on you!
[The radio glitches out yet again.]
Panty: *slams the radio repeatedly* We can't understand what you're fucking saying!
[Panty destroys the radio. A worm crawls across the road as a squirrel chases it.]
Panty: Damn it! A cunning linguist he is not. Thanks for nothing, bro.
[See Through runs over the squirrel. Panty and Stocking stop at the factory and Panty sees a frozen man at the entrance.]
Panty: *her eyes turn into hearts* Fuck me! Well, hello, lova!
Stocking: Only you would fall for a literal stiff.
Panty: What's that smell? *sniffs* Oh, I'm getting a whiff of coinage.
[Panty and Stocking open the doors and walk in the factory.]
Panty: Jesus. Talk about some fucking tight-ass quarters.
Stocking: I don't know. If it's big enough to get the job done, it's big enough for me.
Cowper #1: Wad alert!
[Several Cowpers fly towards Panty and Stocking holding guns.]
Cowper #2: No blockers allowed. Go away!
Stocking: *squeals in arousement and wipes drool from her face* They're so cute, I just want to just swallow them up!
Panty: So, you're the tools behind this mess! You guys squirted junk all over this place!
Stocking: I wanna touch one so bad!
Cowper #3: This factory shouldn't have been erected!
Cowper #4: Screwed up everything! *throws a tissue box* That murderous General Scottie can go to Hell! *stomps on the tissue boxes*
Cowpers: To Hell!
Cowper #5: The tissues they make have spilled blood time and again!
Cowpers: The tissues they make are the reason we turned into Ghosts!
Cowper #6: So, we're going to destroy it! *stomps on the tissue boxes*
Cowpers: Destroy it!
Panty: *picks her nose* So, what? Are you gonna gang up on my mouth next?
Cowper #7: That depends, are you an ally of General Scottie?
Panty: News flash, tiny dancer, I don't know who the fuck you're talking about, *flings her booger through the hole of a Cowper's helmet* but here. I'll tell ya what. I don't care about Scottie but I do care about making you guys suffer.
Cowper #7: You stupid jerk off prick! Blow her!
[The Cowpers point their guns at Panty and Stocking.]
Panty: Go back to your damn balls, you fuckin' low-counts.
Stocking: Panty! Come on, I just want one, they're so freaking adorable!
[Stocking tries to grab a Cowper, but they fly away.]
Panty: Fuck that! They're cute enough when you're just lookin' at 'em, I'll give it to you. But, when you get some in your eye, it's gonna burn. They're bitter motherfuckers.
[Panty and Stocking transform their panties and stocking into a gun and katanas respectively.]
Panty and Stocking: O pitiful shadow, lost in the darkness o' evil sprit drifting between Heaven and Earth.
Panty: Guess what's next.
Cowper #8: Everyone, prepare to surge forward with the seeds of anger!
Cowpers: Yeah!
[The Cowpers fly towards Panty and Stocking.]
Cowpers: Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth!
[A Cowper struggles to fly, but another Cowper carries them.]
Cowpers: Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth! Surge forth!
Panty: Yada, yada, with great vengeance and furious anger!
Cowper #8: Now, brothers!
[The Cowpers spin around Panty and Stocking.]
Cowpers: Let the final ejaculation...
Cowpers: Blow!
Panty: Time to repent, motherfuckers!
[Panty shoots all of the Cowpers, causing them to explode and yell. The factory then explodes.]
[Scene cuts to a boat, where the sperm soldiers ride on. Several planes fly toward a hill.]
Portschach: *narrating* Portschach's journal. August 16th. Early morning, 0600 hours. Fair weather, open higher than average waves. My spirit count is high. These are the animals of war. I'm desperate for this bitter engagement to be over so I can head home where I've got wood. Hot and burning on the fire, ready to heat me up. And my girl, waiting for me with pleasure spread across her face.
Portschach: (to the soldiers) Squirts, the time has come to pound this operation out! After a rough battle, General Scottie finally succumbed as he felt the strength of our brothers' lengthy and gut wrenching invasion. We're now riding on new ground.
Portschach: *makes a humping motion* We have officially penetrated enemy territory! Yes, men, you have proven yourselves to be *makes a jerking motion* hard and strong with *slaps his butt* great stamina. This is my final order. Thrust ahead with no fear! Give her everything you've got! This is the climax! Saturate the area!
[The sperm soldiers run towards the top.]
Sperm Soldier #10: We're almost there!
[As some soldiers are shot, others fly down with parachutes.]
Portschach: *narrating* These are my men. Without them, we never would have made it this far.
[Several soldiers run and carry a flag with the male symbol.]
Portschach: Finally, this bush is ours.
[The soldiers place the flag on the hill and Portschach runs.]
Portschach: I've never felt more alive. We've won. We're cumming in!
[The soldiers suddenly run into a condom, which disrupts the climax during intercourse and leaves him and the other sperm soldiers trapped. Portschach takes a shivery breath and the episode ends.]